Sunday, November 07, 2004

Canada?

A few people are thinking of Canada after the election here in the US. As a Canadian who has come the other direction, I say "Not so fast, my non-metric system adopting friend". I'm not saying that idea is stupid and childish [Yes you are - inner monologue]....but I moved here because I admired the free speech, which, in theory, is better in the US than Canada. Plus, do you really want to live where football has three downs? I might add that I find several things about the election here I did not like, but I don't think it's time to flee. If you're worried, pick up a copy of Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale. If you find the country you are in is getting too much like this Canadian authors nightmare nation, you can start thinking about packing a lot of sweaters and moving north. Although it looks big on the map, it's mostly tundra and igloos. A word of warning - whatever you do, do not criticize Anne Murray, or they will set you adrift on an ice floe in Hudson Bay.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Ephemera watch

Found in a Chinese fortune cookie
In the near future your will be relieved of a heavy burden
The burden being your grammar textbook.

Noted a sign at Pet Supplies Plus (yes, in all caps):
LOVELY MESSAGE TIME AGAIN!!!!! JUST AS YOU WERE WARNED AT THE LAST MEETING IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER MEETING!!!!!!!! IT WILL BE THIS TUESDAY AT 7 PM!!!!! AND IT WILL BE SHORT!!!!!!!
The manager here apparently needs

a. someone to remove his caps lock key
b. someone to remove the 1/! key
c. a glass enclosure with a an activity wheel, but no keyboard at all.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Awake

I've been in the ice-caves of Antarctica for the last few weeks, looking for potential oil sites, and people who wanted to vote for Alan Keyes. No luck. Didn't hear any news since I got back. Hopefully idiotic Issue 1, which prevents any Ohio state institution from giving any benefits to gay partners, did not pass. Surely in a state with such huge job losses we don't want to alienate a whole class of entrepreneurial people. I gotta imagine they turfed out Bush. A friend of mine from the Ukraine - now a US citizen - has said to me Bush seems like a disaster. This is a guy from a place that had Chernobyl, worried about Bush. Another fellow at work, a Republican, even said he would vote for Kerry. A woman at work who hated Bush AND Kerry said she was voting for Kerry.

*reads papers*

My bad. The guy at work who voted Libertarian had a laugh at everyone. Well my predictive powers are not so much what you would call great. I once opined, in Grade 6, that the metric system made so much sense it would be a matter of a short time before the US adopted it. So I have to predict that by losing the presidential election by around 1%, this means that:

1. Everyone who was against Bush will now be for him
2. The press only gets to ask Bush one more question for the next four years. I'm betting it will be about how crazy it is to raise twins.
3. Karl Rove will admit he was transmitting lines to Ashlee Simpson on SNL.
4. Ashlee Simpson will admit she was the one transmitting lines to Bush during the Debate.

But we all know about my predictive powers.



Ew

Let it not be said that Fox's 'The Swan' is the worst thing on TV...not when the BBC is planning showing a corpse rot. And no, it's not a Matlock reunion show.